Parallel

This morning as I watch the news regarding the firing of the Attorney General I can't help but see the parallels of our current leadership with that of my previous job. I was told in the second meeting with two new supervisors "I encourage you to not say that you disagree". I called the meeting to share my discontent with how my work was rapidly changing and I didn't agree with (understand) the direction of the work. I'm a creative thinker, not a blind follower. I have a strong sense of what I believe is right.  Sally Yates has an obligation to uphold the CONSTITUTION not executive orders. While Attorney Generals are appointed by our President, they do not report to the President. They report to the constitution; they defend the Constitution.

The situation in my former job had no Constitution. My personal constitution is to hold true to my word. If I say I'm going to do something, I do it. I made a commitment to support a site in great work around standards and swiftly I was told no, you won't be doing that. Of course I am going to disagree with you when you tell me I cannot be me and hold true to my word. Then on top of that I wasn't allowed to email ANYONE without getting approval by my boss. 

 
Sadly our president is taking our nation on a path similar to the one my team experienced. If our boss was made to look bad we were reprimanded and cast aside even more. I guarantee you I would have been fired rapidly if it wasn't for the fact I have due process as a tenured teacher. I don't sit idly by when I am cast aside for disagreeing. 

 
Hopefully the president will help us unify as a nation.  The road will be rough, there is no doubt about it.  People will be (in fact they already are) hurt in the process, but we will get a better sense of who we are and what we stand for in the process.  

 
I say this because of what I know now, two school years later about myself.

Year One

I must have been a mess last year. No, I WAS a mess last year. This isn't news to me. Coming off a terrible year in my previous role with threats of reprimand letters in my file, canceling all the committees and professional development I was in charge of, and getting my emails screened I started the year excited to begin teaching in 2015. The Dream Team that was in 2014 dismantled in a year. (By the way, these people who made my year miserable were asked to move on from our district.)

Then it all changed in October 2015. I get this new job and I literally had no clue what I was doing. A packet of three pages is not enough to help a person deal with the complexities of student discipline. I always felt like I was inadequate and people were talking about my inadequacies, not to me, but to people around me. My previous year of paranoia seemed to roll over a year and infiltrate into another year. It was the toughest two years of my life. I kept asking what the hell am I doing here?

Year Two

Then this new year happened. I had a summer that included two weeks of true time off. I prepped my house to be sold, unloading one of the sources of anxiety I harbored for years. I took a class that reignited my passion for doing this work. I attended professional development, essentially surrounding myself with people who are passionate about doing this great work in education. My team here at school shifted and was redesigned. We settled our teacher contract after 15 months of negotiations.


I actually like my job now.

The reason I am realizing I was a mess is because of what people are saying to me this year. (But again, let's be honest, I knew last year I was a mess. I just didn't know how to clean myself up.)

"Jes, I'll be honest, I thought you were stuck up. But now I know you are one of the good ones." 

"Jes, you've really grown into the position this year." 

"You're definitely happier this year."

I hate that I got into such rut so as to lose who I am. I'm a person who smiles at people. I'm someone who can laugh at themselves. Someone who has fire and passion behind what I am doing and saying. Someone who doesn't whine when things get hard, but who buckles down and makes it happen.

This feels like the year I get to be my imperfect self. The work is hard, but worthwhile and rewarding. My team is supportive and they challenge me to be better. Our results prove our effectiveness. Referrals are down 10% in trimester one alone. Individual students are getting 12% fewer referrals than they were last year in trimester one.  IT IS WORKING and I couldn't be more thrilled to be doing this work. 

Artwork below by fidgeting students in my office.