Why I sit at the table.

Regularly I find myself saying that if you told me five years I'd be in the position I am in today, I'd have laughed at you.

Negotiating for the Bloomington Federation of Teachers (BFT) - HA! 

Dean of Students - HA! 

Five years ago, I was hitting my stride as teacher.  I was constantly finding ways to innovate and ensure ALL kids learned.  I was digging deep into standards based grading, technology, interventions, formative assessments. I even think I was still coaching 9th grade volleyball and playing in tournaments every other Saturday.  But, like any go-getter, I found myself being tapped into more and more to participate in committees.  This brought me to the district as a curriculum coordinator four years ago where I really fell in love with supporting teachers.  My love of learning and supporting were married in that role and it felt good.  I felt compelled to go back to school and get my administrative license so that I might be ready to take whatever roles life held in store for me.

Then bad leadership led to the dissipation of the entire team that was built in my first year at the district.  We lovingly called ourselves the dream team as we watched all that we had believed in and work for crumble.  It was then that I turned to my union leaders for guidance.  Should my emails be getting screened, I asked. No. Does she have a right to demand I "repeat after her",  I asked.  No.  I knew through all of the chaos that I was going to be ok.  I had a job at Kennedy after the dissolution of the department and the backing of the union to ensure I wasn't wrongfully terminated or discriminated against for simply having a dissenting opinion. It was then that I realized I wanted to give back and get involved in the BFT.  

So I joined the Negotiations Advisory Committee (NAC) just over two years ago to help gather the necessary information from our members and create contract language for the team to bring to the table.  Being the go-getter that I am, I quickly found my niche building agendas and keeping the team focused (no offense guys, but we are really good at tangents--myself included). I felt purpose once again.  I love my teacher colleagues.  They do amazing work.  Not unlike the children we teach, they are doing the best they can day in and day out and deserve hardworking people sitting at the table ensuring they won't be anymore overworked then they already are.  They deserve a voice who listens in order to speak for them.  I learned quickly I had something to offer as we went to the negotiating table.  A fresh perspective, a knack for numbers and the audacity to not only listen but to also speak up and ask the tough questions.

Over twenty years ago I ran off to my bedroom crying.  My sister and her friend were making fun of  the deaf Miss Alabama and her voice as she competed for the Miss America title.  I was outraged, but they just kept laughing.  I stood up for this person I didn't even know because it's what I do.  I stand up.  I speak up.

Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised I am in the position I am in today after all.

Parallel

This morning as I watch the news regarding the firing of the Attorney General I can't help but see the parallels of our current leadership with that of my previous job. I was told in the second meeting with two new supervisors "I encourage you to not say that you disagree". I called the meeting to share my discontent with how my work was rapidly changing and I didn't agree with (understand) the direction of the work. I'm a creative thinker, not a blind follower. I have a strong sense of what I believe is right.  Sally Yates has an obligation to uphold the CONSTITUTION not executive orders. While Attorney Generals are appointed by our President, they do not report to the President. They report to the constitution; they defend the Constitution.

The situation in my former job had no Constitution. My personal constitution is to hold true to my word. If I say I'm going to do something, I do it. I made a commitment to support a site in great work around standards and swiftly I was told no, you won't be doing that. Of course I am going to disagree with you when you tell me I cannot be me and hold true to my word. Then on top of that I wasn't allowed to email ANYONE without getting approval by my boss. 

 
Sadly our president is taking our nation on a path similar to the one my team experienced. If our boss was made to look bad we were reprimanded and cast aside even more. I guarantee you I would have been fired rapidly if it wasn't for the fact I have due process as a tenured teacher. I don't sit idly by when I am cast aside for disagreeing. 

 
Hopefully the president will help us unify as a nation.  The road will be rough, there is no doubt about it.  People will be (in fact they already are) hurt in the process, but we will get a better sense of who we are and what we stand for in the process.  

 
I say this because of what I know now, two school years later about myself.

Year One

I must have been a mess last year. No, I WAS a mess last year. This isn't news to me. Coming off a terrible year in my previous role with threats of reprimand letters in my file, canceling all the committees and professional development I was in charge of, and getting my emails screened I started the year excited to begin teaching in 2015. The Dream Team that was in 2014 dismantled in a year. (By the way, these people who made my year miserable were asked to move on from our district.)

Then it all changed in October 2015. I get this new job and I literally had no clue what I was doing. A packet of three pages is not enough to help a person deal with the complexities of student discipline. I always felt like I was inadequate and people were talking about my inadequacies, not to me, but to people around me. My previous year of paranoia seemed to roll over a year and infiltrate into another year. It was the toughest two years of my life. I kept asking what the hell am I doing here?

Year Two

Then this new year happened. I had a summer that included two weeks of true time off. I prepped my house to be sold, unloading one of the sources of anxiety I harbored for years. I took a class that reignited my passion for doing this work. I attended professional development, essentially surrounding myself with people who are passionate about doing this great work in education. My team here at school shifted and was redesigned. We settled our teacher contract after 15 months of negotiations.


I actually like my job now.

The reason I am realizing I was a mess is because of what people are saying to me this year. (But again, let's be honest, I knew last year I was a mess. I just didn't know how to clean myself up.)

"Jes, I'll be honest, I thought you were stuck up. But now I know you are one of the good ones." 

"Jes, you've really grown into the position this year." 

"You're definitely happier this year."

I hate that I got into such rut so as to lose who I am. I'm a person who smiles at people. I'm someone who can laugh at themselves. Someone who has fire and passion behind what I am doing and saying. Someone who doesn't whine when things get hard, but who buckles down and makes it happen.

This feels like the year I get to be my imperfect self. The work is hard, but worthwhile and rewarding. My team is supportive and they challenge me to be better. Our results prove our effectiveness. Referrals are down 10% in trimester one alone. Individual students are getting 12% fewer referrals than they were last year in trimester one.  IT IS WORKING and I couldn't be more thrilled to be doing this work. 

Artwork below by fidgeting students in my office.

Thanksgiving Blessing

This thanksgiving I feel blessed to be surrounded by a team who strives to create capable students.  Students who not only feel like they can do the math in geometry class, but who also feel as if they can handle girl drama, family tragedies, or no food for dinner.  Resilient students who rise above their circumstances and learn to navigate this unpredictable world. Students who understand how to learn despite all the noise of life around them.

Recently, out of anger, a student put another student in a headlock during class.  This came on the heals of the student teasing the other and taking it too far.  A common playfulness between two boys went awry when one student just snapped.  Upon talking to the student who placed the headlock, he shares that he had a terrible night.  You see, he has no record of any sort of aggression.  He doesn't get sent out of class for being defiant and gets good grades.  The night before, however, his father was arrested.  He witnessed the whole ordeal.  I could have simply yelled at this student and sent him off with his consequence, but I have found that simply asking questions creates a much better learning opportunity.  This is true for any person.  We can either jump to conclusions, reprimand and redirect without ever learning why or we can ask questions and get to the heart of what is going on.

So many students have cried in my office.  It has honestly shocked me.  When one on one, these hard, disengaged students reveal their true colors.  They are hurting.  They are lost.  They feel forgotten.  They feel misheard.  They feel beaten down by stereotypes and discrimination.  They feel in over their head.  I seriously wonder whether I know what I am doing and how I got into this position.  Where did I learn to console a student who finally confided that he is simply sad and too depressed to go to class?  Where did I learn how to talk to the girl known as a bully to remind her that she is better than that, that I believe in her?  Where did I learn how to listen intently and how to seek help as a student talks about harming themselves?  These are not things I was taught formally in school and I fear daily that I might mess it up.  But when we know better, we do better.

This weekend a student passed away abruptly from a medical condition.  When anyone passes away people often revert back to their last interaction with that person.  What were my last words?  How did the student feel leaving my office? Did they feel belittled, hopeless, and angry, or did they feel capable, reflective, heard and optimistic?  I hope it was the latter.  I know in my heart that the team I work with always strives to ensure the latter.  I am blessed with a team that seeks to understand and educate versus harm and belittle.  A team that doesn't want to show their power and dominance over students, but seeks instead to help the students know better and do better.

Somebody's child

As I go about my work as a Dean of Students it could be easy to lay down the law and assume all students have to abide by a particular set of rules.  That is simply not the case.  These are somebody's children.  My mom learned early in my life that I have to have more meals in the day or I would become a whiny baby.  She didn't know that when I arrived, she learned that through trial and error because, as my mom, she made it her mission to figure out what I needed. Our students have a unique set of needs we need to consider as well.  We mustn't assume they are just being bad to be bad.   We have to get to the root of the problem because, after all, they are somebody's child.  What would you want if  it were your child?

This isn't something I knew going into teaching.  The rules of school worked for me.  I lettered in academics, had opportunities to be challenged and opportunities to be successful.  But what didn't work for me was three big meals a day as a child.  I needed snacks, and that's ok. Nobody wants a hangry Jessi!  The same is true for students in our classrooms, hallways and communities.  As a Dean, my line gets drawn at safety and the integrity of the classroom; I make that known to students.  If you are making a class unsafe, making classmates feel unsafe, or if you are inhibiting the learning of others and compromising the integrity of the classroom, then something needs to change.  Additionally, it behooves me to ensure that while demanding safety and the integrity of the classroom that I find a way to educate the student.  They deserve an education too.  What would you want if it were your child?

So, when constantly thrust into the world of a couple of students who I find myself interacting with daily, I remind myself that they are somebody's child.  Somebody loves them and wants the world for them (and if that is not the case then it is my duty to show them I want the world for them).  As their educator, I have a duty to find a way to educate them and prepare them to have a prosperous life despite their need for an extra meal (or two) in a day.  What would you want if it were your child?

Privilege

Yellowstone River

I live a privileged life. I spent two weeks and 4600 miles on a road trip to Utah, Colorado, Wyoming and Montana. I didn’t feel unsafe traveling and camping alone, as a white woman, until an old white guy started flirting with me while I pumped my last tank of gas in South Dakota.  I am truly blessed. It was the perfect trip after my first year as a dean of students at a high school. A year where I was thrust into the realities of our students’ lives and the challenges they face for decisions outside of their control. It was a lot for me to handle; I realized how sensitive I really am. I don’t want to see 18 students get arrested in a year. But I also don’t want a boy to manhandle a girl into leaving school for the day when they are fighting. I want to see these students get the help they need now and an education so they can live happy, prosperous lives. Sadly, I’ve turned to stating “you will be arrested for this if I was a police officer” when a student blatantly disregards my request to call home when tardy or to simply take off their hat, because that is actually what I have seen happen. Disregard law enforcement, then you will get arrested. I want to teach them before they are released as adults with their diploma in hand. 

Delicate Arch, Utah

But then I opened up social media when I returned home yesterday and saw the news of Alton Sterling and I am thrust back into reality. Hours later, I found myself on twitter and see a new hashtag #FalconHeightsShooting, a town just down the road. I proceed to watch a 9 minute video of Philando Castile’s last few breaths on Facebook Live. We must start recognizing our own privilege. I can travel across 8 states without fear, yet a black man gets shot after being pulled over for a broken taillight. Now a four year old might live in fear every time she is pulled over after witnessing a man get shot. We must train our law enforcement to balance force with reason. We must train them to better assess the danger or lack thereof in a situation. Based on this police officer’s expletive’s after having shot this man, it is clear he is not a bad man, but he did a bad thing. The same is true of so many people who get shot or are the shooters in police shootings. We cannot execute people in this way. We need non-violent interventions and we need to value human life above all else, including our irrational fears.

I do not want to say to my students that they should listen to authority figures in school or they’ll get arrested outside in the “real world”, but now I fear I might have to say they could be shot and killed for not abiding by a simple request of law enforcement. Why has it come to this? It has to stop.

And it starts with us, white people, recognizing privilege.  Here is one of my favorite depictions of privilege.  This article by the Washington Post describes white privilege "tends to be unintentional, unconscious, uncomfortable to recognize but easy to take for granted."  We need to start with recognizing our privileges and leveraging them for the greater good.  We can't be ashamed of what we have or who we are, unless we chose not to speak up and demand better.

9th graders

I really like my 9th grade class.  They are full of energy and truly are nice students.  But man are they busy.  They just love to talk and get up out of their seat. They keep me on my toes to make a stellar lesson that keeps them engaged.  There is no 'work time' if it doesn't involve some sort of reason to stay engaged in the work.  A review lesson on a Thursday, a block day, where classes are 90 minutes, started out as a carousel.  In a carousel, students typically rotate in teams around the room solving problems.  The goal is to review tough problems as a team before a test and get a chance moving while doing so.  This lesson could easily take 55 minutes, equivalent to a regular day's schedule, but I knew keeping them engaged in this work for 55 minutes is a large stretch.  Additionally, they need to do these problems and I needed to harness the intelligence of the top students to support the low students in better understanding the concepts we were reviewing.  But there was no way just having them do the problems standing and rotating would be enough of a motivator to stay on task...until the magical popsicle sticks.

I don't know where I learned this strategy, but I'd be wise to never forget it's power.  Each team started out with a yellow, three point stick.  The instructions were simple.  Work together on the problems for 30 minutes.  When you finish a problem, check your answer and ask for another problem.  While the teams worked, I would swap out their sticks to move them up or down based on how well they were working as a team.  As a team their goal was to get up to a five point, blue stick. I must never forget the power of the sticks...

And, yes, this is a short post.  I created it weeks ago.  Life gets busy when you are passing on the classes you're teaching and starting a new role.  I'm going to miss teaching these 9th graders.  More on that later.

Finding Balance

Today I am struggling with finding balance.  I adore digging into a standard and determining how to teach it.  Being creative and thoughtful in my lessons is something I get excited about.  But I am presently struggling with a fine balance between using the structure of a curriculum and going it alone with only standards and resources.

The structure of a curriculum: Algebra 2

This course is my PLC and the bulk of the classes I teach.  I feel really stuck in doing what my colleagues are doing.  A student in my class should receive a comparable education to that of a student in the classroom next door.  Yes, the route there can look different, but the destination, the learning, must be the same.  This is at the heart of why we have standards to begin with.  But, I find the book all over the place with concepts.  I am constantly asking myself, why is the book doing this?  Knowing this curriculum often has a big build up to the key concepts, I want to give it credit, but if I can't see the connections, the why, then where does that leave my students?  Not following the book, however, could have dire consequences.  Well, dire might be a bit of an exaggeration! But, there will be consequences when a curriculum teaches in a spiral fashion often surprising a person with the why later on.  For instance, I taught diamond problems for two years before I finally understood their connection to factoring with an area model.  I had simply been doing the diamond problems because they were a good way to practice integer multiplication and addition, not to mention some number sense as students would find the missing value.  My mind was blown the day students learned how to factor using their diamond problems to complete the area model.

Today I am struggling with how to finish the current unit that has been all over the place in Algebra 2.  I know where students need to be, but I don't like how the book is presenting the learning experiences for these standards.  How do I pick up the pieces of a disjointed curriculum with one week left of the unit?    How can I prevent this from happening again?

Standards and resources: Probability and Statistics

I purposefully chose to teach this class because it lacked a good curriculum.  Yes, there is a textbook, but I'd hardly call the typical math examples and practice problems of a traditional textbook a curriculum.  This course allows me to be creative and teach the standards with inhibition.  This comes with problems.

1. Time:  Where can I find the time to build a course from the ground up while teaching it?  
2. Priorities:  If I want to spend more time on one concept over another, is that ok?  What are my priorities and what I am bound to?  
• I spent more time on the first two standards than I thought I would need to.  Without having the whole course planned, how will I know if I can get teach what students must learn?
3. Rigor:  Am I teaching this course to the right level of rigor?  How can I be sure?
• I am the only teacher teaching this course at my school which makes determining expectations for learning difficult.   There is no data to compare, no common assessments.
4. Obligations: To what extent can I let my personal beliefs play into what and how I teach?  
• I believe in creating informed citizens armed with the skills necessary for life outside of school.  This elective course seems like the perfect place for me to build those skills with students.  Collaborating, digging through information, using the internet in all it's glory to analyze data seems like a no brainer in this course, but it is against the norm of the closed book, device powered off assessments students, teachers and the community have come to expect in schools.  What are my obligations as a teacher?

I can't decide which dilemma I am struggling with more.  Being completely free in Probability and Statistics (while being completely fearful I am not doing what is best for these kids), or being bound by a curriculum (while being completely fearful I am not doing what is best for these kids).  

This is my 10th year of teaching.  I just keep thinking I shouldn't have to work so hard/put in so many hours, but I don't know how to do my job any other way.  

My biggest question is this:

What can school systems do to fully equip teachers to teach their classes?  

This question is completely loaded and pretty much impossible.  I know school systems are bound by funding, time and people, not to mention countless expectations of the use of those three resources.  

So maybe I should ask: 

How can school systems better equip teachers to teach their classes?  


I still hate that I am asking what the school system should do, since I have no power to change it, but after my years as a curriculum coordinator, I can't help but ask this question.  For two years I worked outside of the classroom seeking to do just that, better equip teachers, but I know my work fell short.  So, now that I am back in the classroom, I can't help but wonder what an effective school system/school/department could do to ensure teachers are prepared to teach their classes.  Spending an average of 12 hours a school day during the school year preparing, teaching, assessing, grading, etc. just isn't sustainable and that is what our best teachers are doing each and every school year.

Until they burn out.

Let's pray they don't burn out.