Put me in, Coach!

When I was a junior in high school, an assistant volleyball coach, Aaron, pulled me aside one day, made me look him in the eyes as he said "You will be a starting middle this year". At that point I was not on the starting line up.  I was seemingly always a step behind my peers on the volleyball court and this was my first year on Varsity. I wasn't getting playing time during games at that point and felt a bit defeated, but he believed in me.  I was a strong blocker, an important part of defense, but not the skill everyone seemingly values.  At that level of volleyball people love to see a strong ace serve or powerful kill, both offensive skills.  I'm more of a behind the scenes person getting necessary work done in effective ways. 

A few games into my junior season, I'll never forget the gym or my coach Aaron, I was put in the game to fill in for a teammate who was struggling that night.  My coach never took me out.  My blocking game was on point and put me near the top of the section by the time I was a senior.  I was a valued asset to the team, but it took a bit longer to be recognized.  Ironically as I watch Big Ten volleyball when I cheer on my Minnesota Gophers the crowd goes wild with every block. At the elite levels of volleyball blocks are just as sacred and essential to the game. 

This is a pattern that holds true for me to this day.  There are many people around me who believe in me and my skills behind the scenes.  I'm blessed with colleagues who tell me they appreciate my voice when I speak up at meetings, who remind me I'm qualified for leadership positions, and encourage me to apply.  My skills haven't been valued yet to earn that promotion, but I know my time is coming and when it does I'll be ready and they won't ever want to take me out of the game. 

For now, I'll embrace the opportunities to lead that don't involve a promotion and believe that being in the classroom is the exact spot I'm meant to be right now.  Supporting a student teacher.  Creating structures for success in this online environment. Sending a letter to a student who just lost a family member to COVID-19.  Leading my PLC through building cohesive, supportive, online curriculum. Writing an MOU to ensure our union members are safe when they reenter the classroom.  These things are important too and I am exactly where I need to be....for now. 

What might we learn?

These are weird times.  In a normal year I'm teaching math to teenagers, but this year I find myself spending so much time teaching technology.  I have a love - hate relationship with technology.  I appreciate what it can be and how it creates spaces we've never had before, but I hate how it feels like we can't function without it.  This has always been the case with me and technology.

I'm grateful because I've had a knack for making sense of things and learning on my own, especially in the tech world. I don't actually know how to code, but I am darn good at stealing code and making it do what I want. I can teach online and I can do it quite well, but I don't really want to.

Now I find myself in this situation where I am so hyper dependent on my internet, computer, apps, the list goes on and on.... I don't like feeling like this.  I miss the days where the things I remember from class were the goofy kid who made me laugh. Instead I find myself leaving each day deflated that the technology let me down again and I couldn't even enter the breakout room to interact with the goofy kids. I know I'm not alone, but it's hard not to feel so heavy and wonder what's the point of it all. 

I'm thrust in this world of trying to save all my colleagues and trying to save myself and now I find myself trying to save my students as they've entered this black hole of technology with us this school year.

I'm so excited to connect with students in synchronous learning (Why in all things great and wonderful did the education world decide  ASYNCHRONOUS AND SYNCHRONOUS were better than LITERALLY anything else?!) but I find myself trudging through the mud of tech challenges.  That might never go away, but we'll find a way to connect anyway.  It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. 

This year will be HARD. But we can do hard things.  We can learn right along with our students.  We can find gratitude for what was and make way for new learning to happen.